What if I told you, you could find out within an 85% accomplishment rate, whether or not your relationship will make it? What if you could scientifically create that magical feeling you felt before, again in your relationship?
Dr. Gottman and his wife were able to create situations in their love lab that real couples face. They invited actual real couples to a place that could be viewed and changed, an environment that allowed the researchers to even utilize the scientific information of heart rates and blood pressure to determine the best way to handle relationships so that they will last and grow.
This information is dense and Gottman has vast resources of information available on their site.
The most pertinent information I found from my studies of this research was the 5 to 1 ratio. One wound, one hurt, one fight, etc has to be made up by 5 good (5 times you spoke kindness, 5 times you showed love, etc). How many times have you lashed out at your partner because you were having a bad day? Did you try to address that? Negativity takes a lot of positive to reset itself and become once again positive.
Another great suggestion from this research that you might already be familiar with, calm down before you interact. Research shows that when your heart rate and blood pressure are elevated, you aren’t thinking clearly. Trying to have a calm logical interaction isn’t likely to happen during that time. Try to take a few mindful breaths before addressing issues. You’ll find that your disagreement may not be as bad as it seemed before you took that moment to inhale and exhale.
Did you know that they were able to recreate that magical feeling? That feeling you get when everything is aligned and you get kind of tingly and excited. It’s possible to make it.
To find out more about relationship guidance and learn how to heal or grow your relationship, contact me and set up a therapy consultation. Therapy might be able to help you save your relationship. It also could help you gain that clarity that you’ve been wanting to have for so long.
Thank you to the Gottmans for providing amazing videos and resources to therapists like me and couples all over the world searching for solutions.
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